Alright...Daniel and I are no longer together. i feel like i sorta pushed it this way. I wasn't happy at all, I couldn't look a picture anymore and smile at it like before. I feel like I am a once a month girlfriend maybe.. I like knowing he will b there when I need him the most not so far away. His mother warned us that not dating would b best..did we listen? No, this is the third time we have broken up..maybe she was right..actually I am pretty sure she is right. Well alright, Daniel broke up with me on a Wednesday, and being normal Jennifer thought Thursday I would b happy and just cuz I didn't have to worry about Daniel and I anymore then I would b happy. How Wrong could I be..I was miserable, u think one thing knowing that it will make u happier in the long run, but your still heartbroken in a weird way. I haven't cried much since Daniel left in August, but I think then I prepared myself for the worse. I am gonna miss a lot of things about our relationship. I am gonna miss his family for one thing, I loved his family they were amazing. I want to say kisses and hugs but then I start to think about it and realize our relationship started out with lust. Nothing bad..he just kissed me a long time before we were dating and that is what got us talking, and no i didn't want him to kiss me. Very few people know where this 1st kiss was even though a ton of people were there at the same time. I just wanted instant gratification like society is now a days..I want results instantly like a digital camera. I read something on myspace a little bit ago from a person who i kno for a while didn't like me b cuz his girlfriend didn't like me but she broke up with him recently and I was reading sumthing he wrote which made me cry reading. "You know, sometimes it feels like God isn't there, that he;s stepped all over you and ran as far away as he could. When in reality, it's ourselves who has probably kicked ourselves and forced us to fall. When we want something so bad and hold onto it so tight that we are not willing to let God have his way and we put that thing or person or relationship or item or anything above God, then we will have problems. The human heart is too small for two loves" I started t0 cry reading that.. That is what I did...I cared about my happiness rather than what God wanted me to do. I am still unsure of God's Plan for me right now. I am praying for Him to show me His desire for me and also His Blueprints for my life. Well All i ask is that you pray for me and Daniel. He says he isn't heartbroken but I know for sure he is. I feel bad, I still care about him and I can honestly say I think I loved him. When i talk to him on the phone I can't say I love you anymore..it hurts saying it. I know at one point it felt like love, and hopefully that was what I was feeling but now it feels awkward like an over used phrase. Ok well just PLEASE PRAY!! Thanks a lot!
<3 Jennifer!
